PICASSO TRIGGER (1988)

With all due respect to the Sidaris estate, I had absolutely no faith that Andy would be able to either match or eclipse “Hard Ticket to Hawaii” with its sequel, “Picasso Trigger,” and I was right. But still, there are more than a few elaborately stupid action gags and bare breasts to sate the average Sidaris fan.

Playboy Playmates Dona Speir and the scrumptiously adorable Hope Marie Carlton (Remember the pinup girl in "Nightmare on Elm Street 4?") return as Dona and Taryn. In fact, most of the cast from "Hard Ticket" return to reprise their roles. Even Rodrigo Obregon, who played Seth Romero, from the previous film returns, albeit as a completely different character. However, the absence of one face is much to the surprising detriment of the entire film. Ron Moss, who previously played Rowdy Abilene is replaced by the far less charismatic Steve Bond. Gone are the huckster qualities that made Rowdy so endearing and fun. Sadly, Bond's rendition comes off as pretty dry and there’s virtually no camaraderie between he and Jade, once again played by Harold Diamond. What made Moss work in the previous film was that he brought a sense of self deprecating humor to the dashing Abilene that ultimately made him far more likable the first time around. 

In fact, tonally, the whole first half of “Picasso Trigger” has a strangely austere feel to it. It's bad, sure, but the fun just isn't there at first. The familiar elements are enough to carry you through a pretty barren stretch, and stuff does get thankfully dumber by the second half. In fact, fans of TV Carnage will immediately recognize most of the finale footage from the “Casual Fridays” edition.

Don’t even bother trying to extract a plot from this mess. It exists, but it’s poorly woven together, and it’s really not worth trying to figure out. Besides, that’s not why we watch Andy’s movies anyway. I did the math and there’s actually one explosion an average of every ten minutes. The boobs come even more frequently. Strangely, the nudity is gratuitous, but it’s not as lingering or joyfully displayed as in the previous film. Nevertheless, there are boobs and explosions abound.

My favorite character in the movie has to be the Professor (aka Dickson), once again played by Richard LaPore. Here, LaPore eases into the Sidaris Universe’s equivalent role of Q from the Bond films, only way fucking dumber. The Professor eventually bestows upon the good guy agents a bevy of ridiculous weapons that don’t even qualify as gadgets. Basically, they’re just ordinary items that you can Velcro explosives onto. For instance, at one point, he presents Donna with a boomerang that you can attach C4 to. By the way, who the fuck would want a BOOMERANG with a bomb on it? Completely stupid, yes. In fact, so stupid it's genius. 

Overall it’s a worthy entry in the series, mainly because the big action beats live up to the bar Andy set with “Hard Ticket.”