SAVAGE BEACH (1990)

The previous entry in Sidaris’ Lethal Ladies series, “Picasso Trigger,” paddles wildly to catch up with the insanity of “Hard Ticket to Hawaii,” and it comes watchably close to that goal. But “Savage Beach” on the other hand never even tries to breach the business of its predecessors, and that may very well be why it succeeds. It’s nowhere near as chunky in terms of its story. In fact, this one actually feels like a real movie even at the onset. Maybe Andy was just getting better at working with what he was given, but the production values seem a little higher here, too. Overall, there’s enough to sate fans of the series that had by this point grown to expect a quota of bare breasts and strange action. What’s important is in tact. Otherwise, this may well be the “For Your Eyes Only” of this particular franchise in that it strays toward simplicity in terms of its story.

The basic plot revolves around the search for a shipment of plundered Filipino gold lost at sea during World War II. Rodrigo Obregón returns as a brand new heavy, Martinez, a South American revolutionary who’s working with the American government to retrieve the loot. However, Martinez intends to steal the gold once it’s been located so he can funnel it into his own radical interests. Meanwhile, Dona and Taryn, while on an errand of mercy for Molokai, are caught in the eye of a storm which forces them to crash land on an uncharted island. Soon, the girls learn they aren’t quite alone and find themselves faced with a dangerous castaway. Coincidentally, the operation to retrieve the lost gold brings more deadly company to the island.

The rotation of characters, too, is pared down. Another Abilene is briefly introduced, but plays a far less integral character here. Lisa London is brought in as Rocky, assuming the function of the Edy character, assisted by the returning Patty Duffek as Pattycakes. Familiar Tong faces from “Big Trouble In Little China” are also featured here. Most will instantly peg the legendary Al Leong as one of the badass red turbans from the Carpenter flick. James Lew, who even got a few words in with Kurt Russell as one of the Chang Sings, is here, too. Sadly, “Savage Beach” is the last film to feature Hope Marie Carlton’s Taryn character.

Overall, the unique storyline makes for one of the more worthwhile entries in the series. In spite of its odd clarity, this still feels like a Sidaris movie, albeit strangley more refined.

By the way, someone recently pointed out that I never acknowledge "Malibu Express" as part this series, and I feel the need to explain myself at the risk of taking this shit way too seriously. In "Hard Ticket," Taryn has a "Malibu Express" movie poster on her wall, which I think would disqualify the events of that film as part of Dona and Taryn's reality. I know they acknowledge that an Abilene became an Actor in "Hard Ticket," but that doesn't make the events of "Malibu Express" a reality in this universe. I can't believe I'm arguing logic pertaining to these movies, but there ya go.