Thursday, April 29, 2010


They should have called it “The Zero Bras” because none of the chicks in this movie seem to own one. This, of course, is much to the film’s credit, especially because it features the terminally adorable Kelli Maroney in bouncy mode, whom fans of eighties b-horror will automatically recognize from “Night of the Comet” and “Chopping Mall.

After sitting through this, I’m not sure whether Nico Mastorakis deserves a slot on my favorite directors list, or a stiff shove down a long flight of stairs. While I own several of his other efforts, this is my first exposure to a director whom I could see becoming a guilty pleasure. I just couldn’t decide if this was a work of ineptitude, in the vein of Fragosso’s Troll 2, or if the director was satirizing the slasher genre. You’d have to get disbelief really wasted before you could take the sort of advantage of it that these dumb ass characters require. Some of the shit that happens in this movie is so fucking stupid that I can’t imagine anyone writing it without a sense of humor.

Another weird genre hybrid, Mastorakis cross-paginates action with horror here, as paintball champions The Zero Boys make irrational decisions that leave them stranded in some remote cabin, where they are stalked by its homicidal occupants.

At one point while watching the movie, my roommate commented, “I was sitting here wondering ‘why did they just go into the cabin and make themselves at home?’ But then I remembered, ‘hey, they’re the paintball champions! I WISH the motherfuckers who owned that shit would come back!’” That about sums it up.

A lot of the cast went on to work with Jim Wynorski on a somewhat regular basis. The film also features Tom Shell, who played trusty punk Smeg in “Surf Nazis Must Die.” Also, keep your eye out for the prolific Joe Estevez as Killer #1. And no, this movie has nothing to do with awesome 80s hardcore band The Zero Boys.

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