Thursday, July 22, 2010


Regardless of the fact that I am about to say some nice things about this movie, you eBay queers need to stop asking so much for this movie. Some of the prices I'm seeing out there are delusional. I'm sorry, but selling this movie for 16 bucks makes you a bad person. Thankfully, I managed to find a cheap copy, but that took for fucking ever. I am so thankful that I've finally filled the gap between "The Curse" and "Curse III: Blood Sacrifice." Now I won't start banging my head against the wall like a mental patient every time I pass the C's.

I probably give simple movies more human respect than I do most people. You can’t vivisect this shit under a black and white scope. I have a hard time calling any movie purely awful, as I think almost everything has at least some redeemable inkling buried beneath obvious flaws. Then again, I think even warts can be endearing. Would-be critics mercilessly hurl bathwater and baby out the window when they’re talking about a movie of this caliber. When I look at “Curse II: The Bite” I see a poor animal trembling in the corner, conditioned to flinch at every passing character by consistent abuse. It’s like one of those dogs that’s so ugly it’s cute. It just doesn't deserve the grief it gets.

When people make a movie like this, they’re not doing it with the malicious intention of poisoning the well, so I don’t understand why people feel the need to be cruel. Making a movie is hard, especially when your means are limited. It requires a great deal of energy and passion. It’s easy to trash a b-movie on the basis of comparison to something like “To Kill A Mocking Bird,” but why bother? Most IMDb critics probably fail all the time in their day to day lives. Do they deserve to be shot in the face because they don't measure up to the likes of Franklin D. Roosevelt? Well, probably. But you get my point.

Your average slob wallows through their meandering, dull existence, sucking up resource and without anything to contribute. This movie has one thing that 98% of the walking douche commercials on this planet do not. It has ONE great idea: a guy gets bitten by a radioactive snake, transforming his hand into a rabid, venom-spitting stygian head and turning his arm bones serpentine. The special effects are cartoonishly absurd, thus accentuating the concept ten fold. Granted, it has a lot of problems, but it's got one thing that makes it worth actually sitting through.

By the way, this is a sequel in name only, which seems to provide more fodder for the haters, most of whom hated the original film anyway. Who the fuck complains about not seeing Whil Wheaton again? Horror fans are crotchety though, and they have to dodder on like the elderly. It’s either too hot, or too cold, or it’s not like the good old days. These people need to just shut the fuck and appreciate the fact that this movie gave the mighty Bo Svenson some work.

By the way, if you've never bothered to see "Curse IV: The Ultimate Sacrifice," it's actually not so bad! I decided to weather a viewing after I saw that it starred Timothy Van Patten from "Class of 1984," and I'm glad I did. Once again, the movie is completely unrelated to any of the other films that wound up getting lumped into an unfortunate franchise attempt, but it is worth a look. Then again, it should be known that I am also a fan of the original film.

No comments:

Post a Comment